So even if it’s funny at the end of the day (well, I dunno… I may not have the last laugh, yet!), the scare I got today was, plainly put, SOMETHING! So last night I went to sleep, planning to have a wonderful dream with fairies and beauties and blah blah blah (seriously, is there anyone who PLANS their dreams?? I’d like to know!)… and suddenly, I started feeling rather down coz one of my pet dog who died yesterday… I didn’t feel so bad during the day… the night’s when these thoughts and memories come calling to ruin my sleep. Anyways, I was listening to music on my cellphone (as I do every night) and at one time, I felt a little sleepy and decided to call it a day (Night, actually!). But the moment I landed on the poor pillow (which, incidentally, got squashed as always under my big head… that’s called humor by unnecessary exaggeration… something I’m pretty good at!), I suddenly realized I had difficulty breathing, and it wasn’t the result of some pent-up grief or tears or constipation (I remember my dear ol’ pal who’s, for some reason, angry at me!) or whatever… I simply couldn’t breathe! It has happened before, for few stray moments, and have always subsided when I use two pillows instead of one… but last night, even an avalanche of pillows couldn’t help me breathe! It was a feeling as frustrating as finding yourself on the moon with everything you treasure, your whole family and all, but without your O2 supply! What a pity!
So, well, I tried several new and improved techniques, of breathing normally… all of which kinda fell flat like most of my jokes, but at least I get a chuckle out of some! Last night, my lungs absolutely refused to co-operate!! Bad lungs, no cigarette for you (Oops… I forgot I don’t smoke! Maybe I’ll start smoking and then threaten my lungs that I’d quit!) Well, mom woke up sometime later, and seeing my predicament, tried her best to rescue me… but well, it was civil war! Outside forces don’t have much of a chance!
On a serious note, I had these asthmatic tendencies when I was little… really little… when I was cute (there you go!) but with the cuteness vanished that disease! (Yes, they eloped together, I guess!) And I was alone with Mr. Hyde and Health (just joking, I had my sick days too!) and a doctor told me a long time ago (dunno if it was to console me) that these asthmatic tendencies (when they are in your childhood) fades away when we grow up!
But well, she (could be ‘he’ as well! But hey, diseases sound way better if we look at them from a feministic angle! I’m sure most will agree!) returned last night, held me in such a tight embrace that I couldn’t even lie down last night, let alone sleep! At about 4am, I switched on my PC and started watching a movie (Cry Wolf)… and even though the movie isn’t too bad, it helped me get about an hour and a half’s sleep!
But when I woke up, the situation had worsened manifolds! Last night, at least I was getting respite when I sat up… but hell I was even having trouble breathing when I was sitting still this morning! So, as mom convinced me to visit the doctor (I avoid these ‘un’healthy visits like Himesh’s songs), I went to my ‘damsel when I’m in distress’- the internet… to find out what she had to say about my sudden breathlessness. What I saw took my breath away… if there was any left, frankly! You see, I’m generally not a panicky fellow… I don’t panic, ever! But well, I guess the robbed sleep and the robbed oxygen… everything contributed to that today!
I came across a few articles that helpfully depicted (or rather: advertised!) methods to ease the pain! But hell, it will take several weeks’ of exercises! And then I came across another site describing the factors that might cause breathlessness: and well, in my defense, I was plain dizzy back then, having gotten so little sleep and all… and imagine when the site listed that even cancer can cause breathlessness… maybe a little thing called ‘tumor’ blocking your windpipe! Who the hell let that thing grow?? Don’t I pay my taxes (I eat… maybe less than before, but not nothing!)?? Is this what the municipality is for?? (You know, the whole body system and all!)
I pictured the bones of my body, and every bone could have been a cancer lump as far as I was concerned! I went to the toilet… and it was the scariest 10 minutes I have ever spent inside a toilet! I was panic stricken, sure that I had not more than a month or so to live! One of my ribs is indeed a little lumpier than its counterpart (not very noticeable, but hell, it could be the Everest as far as I was concerned this morning!) and I was fairly convinced it was a lump that had grown over the past few months and was about to sacrifice me to the altar of the god of whatever religion diseases belong to! I pictured mom if I was gone… and that was pretty scary! I pictured myself telling my friends that I didn’t have much time to live… and I could picture their reactions… their gleeful faces (kidding!) I even started planning how I would spend my last few (remaining months)… maybe visit someplace cool! I haven’t been to many places, really! Or maybe I’ll just lay low and shock everyone by escaping to heaven (no way I’m going to hell… no one goes to hell for torturing people with bad jokes, do they?) I guess I’ll indeed miss some people if I’m gone, dunno if that’s the other way round… not sure I want to know either! Yeah, well, a lot went over my mind during those ten minutes… it was nothing short of a brainstorming experience!
You see, I pride myself on being a good guesser! And it was a bad thing to boast about this morning! And like the marks in the exams a few days ago, it turned out I guessed wrong! The doc diagnosed bronchitis (ooh… not as scary as it sounds and as you might read!) I was feeling better even before buying the meds… but of course everyone’ll interpret it as a sign of me being ‘cheap’… come on, I don’t like doctors (when it’s me who’s sick. Ya, I guess I’m a hypocrite!)… and not meds either… I’d much rather waste that money in the nearest Domino’s outlet… that reminds me, I haven’t had pizza in a long time!
Well, I dunno… doctor have been proved wrong before, right??
And Mom is actually gonna kill me if she learns I’ve joked about such “serious” topics!
Signing Off,
-Jagannath (Jesse)
[For a moment, I thought yesterday's brooding article's afterthought about that post turning out to be "my last"... was indeed coming true!!!]
1 comment:
Huh??!!!
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