I wasn’t planning on splitting the Christmas Chronicles into two. Simply coz it takes a lot of space and time on my part to type these bullshits. But since I have acquired the habit of pondering over these stupid recollections at times, I should better take some pain and do that.
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#1
On Christmas day, I didn’t have any plans until I was invited to a house party at my school friend Sohini’s place. It would’ve been a pleasant outing had the other guests arrived like they normally do at a party. Instead, due to matters-I-should-better-not-discuss-here, many didn’t show up. And some were too lazy, you see! Anyways, in the end, it was only me and Barsali attending Sohini’s ‘party’… and I bet Barsali would’ve skipped it had she not taken the responsibility to “show me the way” to Sohini’s place. I felt sort of bad for her for that, actually… her mother, who had been ill and hospitalized for the past several days, had returned home only a couple of days ago and was still on her way to recovery… so she had her hands full, you see! The time we spent at Sohini’s place, Barsali wasn’t herself, and you really can’t blame her for that. Anyways, I left the ‘party’ after a hurried dinner and got home well earlier than mom expected.
I was planning to catch Kailashe Kelenkari with my mom on the 26th. But she couldn’t manage it in the end. So, I followed my back-up plan to catch up with my old friend circle (that has only got two people left in it- Aparajita and Soumya). Well, Soumya, the ass that he is, canceled at the last moment and so, I visited Aparajita’s place alone. The last time I was here, it was her birthday a few weeks ago. Then, uncle had been out of town. But today, he was home. It was the first time I was meeting him, actually, and he turned out to be a cool guy (well, I should refine my phrases, I daresay). Anyways, I had a small phone-feud with Soumya after I returned home when I heard that he was off watching Taare Zameen Par without inviting me (I was surprised why he didn’t invite Aparajita, though). Anyways, we made up in 5 minutes, as usual. He would be leaving for a short trip to his aunt’s place in Murshidabad on the 27th.
The next day, I had a small row with my mom. You know… the usual. Anyways, we (my school friends) were planning to catch Taare Zameen Par that day, and Sohini was all for it until the last moment. I still called Barsali to see if she had canceled as well when she said that she had no inkling that we were planning to watch the movie. Apparently, Sohini had ‘forgotten’ to tell her. Well, Barsali joined me and Alapan as we watched the 3:30 show at Navina. As a welcome change, Barsali was her usual self this time. And I skipped the formal routine of asking her how her mother was. I’m a good guesser, I guess!
Anyways, with only a few days to go before another year is deducted from my life-span, hope things will only get better… the jubilant optimist that I am…
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#2
Sometimes, you get a stuffy feeling inside you that you can’t change at your will. You know, yesterday, the 31st of December 2007, was the coldest December day in Kolkata in a decade. And I never felt it… I never did. You kinda feel hot around your head when you’re angry… and become oblivious to the cold outside, don’t you think so?
Well, let me begin the 2nd phase of my “Chronicles” with December 29, Saturday. I didn’t have any plans for this particular day, and so… I thought that maybe I could catch Kailashe Kelenkari, the latest Feluda outing, at Nandan with a couple of friends. I contacted some, and guess what? They had something to do or the other that day. So, as you might expect, I had to cancel the plans (Not that I mind watching movies alone, but I simply didn’t feel like going alone during the Holidays).
Well, gearing up for a pretty lousy 29th of December, I got a rather unpleasant surprise which didn’t help at all in improving the lousiness of December the 29th. It was something really small and baseless, actually, but since it was the 29th Of December, a day before the 30th, it sort of brought back some old memories, memories I much rather prefer to be dead and buried. It was a missed call from my old flame.
Then… it was time for the fateful 30th December… a Sunday, unlike the Saturday of last year. The day went quite well, actually, and I had a good time chatting with and teasing my cousins who had come over to visit. It all went well during the evening, too… I finally watched Sandip Ray’s last film “Nishijapon”, one I had wanted to see for a long time, but had never been able to. And then, S_____ called me.
Well, I need to be a lot of things… the most important of which… ‘Rude’. That’s something I’m not. Well, frankly speaking, I really try to be so… but can’t manage to at the end of the day. I could’ve just ended the incoming call… but, being an egoistic, chivalrous, I-don’t-give-a-damn kinda guy that I am (everything was working against me that day) I accepted the call. And guess what?? I was as cool as anything! She sounded like she wanted someone to talk to… you know… something maybe you don’t wanna share with your boyfriend, I guess (it’s so damn complicated) At first, it began with common courtesies… Hi, Hello, Bhalo Achis? Not a reference to the fact that it was the 30th of December, the same day she had proposed to me exactly a year ago. She tried to pretend she had called to remind me of her birthday which is on the 20th of January (Call on the 18th or something, then). Well, I had forgotten to wish her last year & she was pretending to make sure that didn’t happen again! You know, I guess I would’ve remembered her b-day anyways this year, but hadn’t any plans on wishing her. The talk continued… we weren’t stiff-voiced or anything, since she had called a couple of weeks ago or something, and had talked for about ten minutes. Anyways, the talks soon drifted to the pathos of her life… how she misses Kolkata… her friends… blah blah blah… couldn’t she get anyone else to share this stuff with??? Someone like… umm… lemme guess… how does ____ sound? But I guess I was right when I said she had something to share that she didn’t want to with ____, and I ain’t sure if she found it wise to share with me, either! But then, she did… and asked me to do something… not much… just passing on a message… family matters that I should definitely not reveal here. But why the hell do you want ‘me’… of all people, ME, to do it? Coz I’m what, the missing link between the two hemispheres of your family?? I guess I should’ve asked her that, but couldn’t come to. She was already sniffing, and I somehow don’t think she had a head cold.
Well, 31st began like a Monday in a working man’s life (Ironically, it was a Monday). I had to pass the ‘message’… since I wasn’t getting the receiver through on phone! I had to make that detour, hurry like a madman and get to Nandan on time to catch ‘Kailashe Kelenkari’. Well, I was before time, as usual, even though I woke up amazingly late that morning! The movie was perhaps the best part of the day (since I could stash my worries in my closet and immerse into a whole new world… guess that’s what I like so much about movies) and I had fun. But the ordeal was about to begin.
Soon after coming out of the theatre, I caught up with my para friends who were going to catch the 4pm show. Ripujoy-da, who showed up out of nowhere, accompanied me, along with my college friends to Forum, where I was supposed to catch up with my school friends. Even before we went to Forum, though, my college pals had begun a wild prank with me. I guess I would’ve enjoyed (and countered) it in normal circumstances, but all I did was to get supremely irritated. A good friend of mine, more precisely a good sisterly friend of mine, acted like she wanted to be my girlfriend or something. And as usual, Ripujoy-da egged them on and actively joined them in teasing the mickey out of me.
Anyways, I was looking forward to meeting with my school friends, looking for some respite. But… it wasn’t gonna be so easy after all. A college friend of mine, whose ex happens to be in the school group (since he’s a friend from school)… well, both were there… and… it was a ‘you-know-what’ kinda situation. Kinda stupid, if you ask me. Least that took the spotlight off me for a while, na? Well, it indeed was for a while!
I caught up with my school friends after my college pals left and guess what? Well, two girls (along with the others) took charge to ruin my already ruined day by picking up from where my college pals left off (I was having a mild headache by this time). Ultimately, Barsali took it upon herself to what might’ve appeared to her as a lovely opportunity to take sweet revenge, with a little bit of help from the other friends and the frustratingly resolute Ripujoy-da. Guess what? My headache just got worse!
I don’t think I can blame any of them for picking me on the last day of the year. Simply because I’ve done the same thing to them all year round. But I’ve at least tried to keep within the limits and have, whenever possible, assessed the mood of my victim before pouncing on him/her. Guess I wasn’t showing what I was going through (simply because I’m not sure what I was going through myself… I was tired… really tired… that’s all I know). Then, my para friends showed up and my school friends left, and after another phase of mental torture later, I was given a breather.
I must add one thing. During all this time, I had innumerable ways of countering the attacks being lodged upon me. I might sound boastful, but indeed, the ways were innumerable. And all I did was stay there and listen to all the crap. I was tired of this whole thing… and I was having a killing headache on top of that.
After hanging out for a few minutes in Forum, we (my para friends) walked a long way down to a disgustingly overpriced restaurant. Thankfully, I had enough bucks with me, and I guess I had fun watching my friends squabble and worry over everything. Some had begun rows with Subhayan and Babusona-da… apparently, it was their plan to come here. I half-heartedly attempted to stop them from creating a scene. It was probably the best part of the day…
The food was good, and so was the walk from Ballygunge to Gariahat. At least my para friends had stopped picking on me and we (me, Tumtumi [Rishav] and Pom [Tathagata]) joined forces for a bit to get after Babusona-da. I was feeling better by now. And I guess the taxi ride home, over the windy Lake Gardens flyover, with cool music playing in the background, was a nice closure to a lousy, lousy day.
I reached home at about 10:30. 90 minutes to go before ’08. After a rather irritating but well-meant call from another college friend of mine, I switched on the TV where there was a small surprise for me. It was the movie “Interview with the vampire” starring Cruise, Pitt, Antonio Banderas and a tiny Kirsten Dunst. Especially Kirsten was cool as a small vampire… she was awesome! Anyways, the movie ended at about 12:30, so I guess I greeted New Year in a bloody spooky way.
But as I tucked in at last, sleep evaded me. The anger crept in, slowly and steadily. I was angry at everyone- S______ (for calling me), all my friends (for ruining what I wished would be a nice day), myself (for…well, for not being able to sleep, I guess). And there’s this one feeling that’s bothering me for around a week now, about---. Hope it’s just a passing phase or something… I don’t trust myself anymore… Actually, it’s everything, every single thought, every single ounce of that locked up rage inside me that I’ve kept inside me all these years… against my friends, family, mom, dad, the whole world… I wasn’t being able to sleep… it was past 2 in the morning and I desperately needed to talk to someone. And guess what? The Good Samaritan Soumyajit called. I had actually given him a missed call at around 1, when he had been talking to his girlfriend. He called me right after their conversation ended, which was around 2:10. Well, at least I felt better after relaying the day’s miserable chain of events to him. But as soon as we bid adieu, the headache returned… it was the anger, I guess! I spent a sleepless night… literally!
At around 4, Shuvra, the nocturnal study-freak, gave me a missed call, which I returned. He was amazed, surprised… whatever you might call it, and called me! Well, I tried to reason with myself to sleep… how can it be so hard to sleep?? But… it’s one in the afternoon the next day and my headache is still there, though much better.
I dunno where all this anger came from last night. Ruining the end of 2007… or the start of 2008… both, actually! My problem (or virtue?) is that prolonged anger on my part is an impossible scenario. And I feel a bit better after jotting this crap down. Such a lot of things are in my head right now… my future, which looks quite bleak, with my phantasmal dreams of a career in law (Actually, law’s just a medium. It’s kind of my attempt to… do something different… something that’ll matter). My family, although the problems there are mostly taken care of by mom… then… this new feel of that same old, ostentatiously ominous feeling (if you know what I’m talking about)…
I do a lot of things that I regret later on. That’s probably the reason why I’m desperately trying to rid myself of those feelings. And my list of regrets must also include picking up S_____’s call. And I know that the ‘message’ I gave was more out of sympathy towards B____-di than any other persons concerned. Least of all S_____. I have to start being rude to people. Even my para friends when they start talking about how many girlfriends I carry around. They really get on my nerves!
God, I need some sleep.
Signing off,
-Jagannath (Jesse)
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